Radicals set fire on one of the busiest roads in Central on Hong Kong Island, Sept 8, 2019. (PHOTO / CHINA DAILY)

A mother, 59, surnamed Kwan, grieves for her youngest son, who has been not been heard of, nearly two months after he stormed out of their home following a heated spat  over the ongoing protests.

The young man of 25, Kwan recalls, has a quiet, warm-hearted personality.

She saw her son as someone who was distinctly different that day, not like anything she had seen before. He flew into a rage, shoved his mother aside and left without a word. That was in late July. Kwan has not heard from him since, and her messages to him remain unanswered.

Divided families, separated by different political views, already may have left indelible scars on family relationships

“My heart is broken, and I feel like life has turned gray in the weeks since,” Kwan told China Daily, as tears welled in her eyes.

Kwan’s sad tale is told over and over in a city where families are being torn apart by the chaos and social unrest that has continued for more than three months. Few families want to talk about it and expose to others the pain they are feeling. As they say, a “family’s shame should not be made public”.

Last month, the community was shocked by a report that an 18-year-old, surnamed Tam, had beaten up his mother after she disagreed with him over the protests, as well as the now-withdrawn extradition bill that triggered the turmoil that has plunged the city into chaos.

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Tam reportedly became furious, pulled his mother’s hair and hit her head repeatedly until his stepfather stepped in and halted the fray. He was bound over at Kwun Tong Magistrates’ Courts, and ordered to be bound over for one year.

Kwan believes most Hong Kong young people have been motivated by outraged feelings of justice, but that their anger is unsophisticated and uninformed. She reckons that young people have been easily manipulated and become impetuous. “I never expected he would have such a strong reaction toward my persuasion,” Kwan said. She said she didn’t share her strongest opinions with her son, but she believes young people are being manipulated by opposition politicians.

Kwan has three sons, all of whom joined the anti-government demonstrations. She said they protested peacefully but concluded that her chattering, trying to persuade her sons not to join the demonstrations may “pour gasoline on the fire.” She confesses having trouble controlling her temper when discussing the city’s problems, and that’s when the trouble begins.

Divided families, separated by different political views, already may have left indelible scars on family relationships. “Now, I’ve learned to skip the topic when talking with my kids. I hope the tension will gradually ease, but I know the rifts between me and my sons will never be thoroughly healed,” Kwan said.

Negative emotions

Anger and negative feelings have swept across Hong Kong, especially among the city’s youth, since the troubles began.

According to the Hong Kong Federation of Youth Groups, from June 12 to Aug 24, its Wellness Mind Centre had received 459 inquiries related to the unrest. Among the cases, 10 percent of young people had emotional distress, leaving them at high-risk of misadventure, including a tendency to harm themselves. About 40 percent of cases at the center were categorized as moderate emotional distress. Some expressed intense belief that the future is bleak after witnessing violent clashes and people being injured.

From mid-July to mid-August, the Post Crisis Counseling Network, which provides free psychological counseling for local people in distress, received 23 percent more inquiries relating to Hong Kong juveniles than it did the previous month. About 80 percent of those seeking counseling were students opposed to the street protests and classroom boycotts, said Timothy To, a psychologist and chairman of the Post Crisis Counseling Network.

According to the Hong Kong Federation of Youth Groups, from June 12 to Aug 24, its Wellness Mind Centre had received 459 inquiries related to the unrest. Among the cases, 10 percent of young people had emotional distress, leaving them at high-risk of misadventure, including a tendency to harm themselves

These young people are under greater mental stress as they have to remain silent over their real thoughts, and some may face bullying at school, To said.

READ MORE: HK group calls for public attention to school bullying

The issue may get worse, and more complicated with the start of the school year, To said. “Negative emotions are more easily spread,” he added.

Schools and teachers in Hong Kong already have been swept up in the controversy as the new semester began. Ng Yung-fai, principal of Heung To Middle School  in Tin Shui Wai, said his school had sent letters to parents reminding them to keep a close watch over their children for emotional changes, and reach out for help the moment they detect their kids are in deep distress.

Difficult times also mean more physical and mental stress for teachers and school support staff, Ng said. Teachers also have to monitor students, watching out for “abnormal behavior” and that means they have to spend extra time communicating with students and trying to steer them away from possible trouble.

“All efforts are being made to avoid clashes or mishaps among our students,” Ng said.

Way out

The snowballing number of people suffering from mental distress not only has a negative impact on individuals’ social support networks, it also poses risks to the city’s economy and long-term development, To warned.

Psychological trauma cannot be easily healed like colds and flu, he continued. He said people should regularly review their own mental health and seek professional help as soon as they feel their anxiety is reaching the point of desperation.

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Taking note of the growing rifts in many Hong Kong families, Daniel Shek Tan-lei, a psychologist specializing in youth development and family processes, said although people may harbor different political views, it doesn’t mean they should be enemies.

Shek, an associate vice-president of Hong Kong Polytechnic University, said conflicting views should not erode family love and positive affections. Family relationships are much more important than differences over politics, he advised.

People should also be mindful that much information labeled as “facts” are based on media reports and may not represent the clear picture. People need to adopt an attitude of acceptance, respect and rationality when communicating with others, he added.

Shek advised everyone, especially young people, not to pore over accounts of violent incidents, and learn not to be infuriated by provocative messages and reports on social media.